Note: This is a continuation of After God’s Own Heart 7
“Nay.. Tay.. I failed 2 subjects..” reported Maya to her parents as tears started to well in her eyes. “Ha? Pano nangyari anak? Anong subject ba yun?” asked a concerned Nanay Teresita. “Both subjects Nay may kinalaman sa criminal law. Bumagsak ako sa finals,” said an already crying Maya. Nanay Teresita couldn’t help but feel awe for her bunso. Tatay Arturo, heaving out a sigh, “Mababa bang masyado ang nakuha mo sa mga exams Nak?” asked Tatay Arturo. “Eh Tay, yung exams namin is composed of 10 questions lang, 20 points each. May isang number ako na minali ng professor namin,” explained Maya. “Minali anak?” asked Nanay Teresita in confusion. “Opo Nay,” Maya said, “Kasi po nag-try akong i-check yung answers ng mga classmates ko, pareho naman po kami ng premise ng arguments ng answer namin. Pero yung sagot ko, kahit ilang points walang naibigay na consideration.” “So anong plano mo ngayon anak? Ilalaban mo ba sa professor mo ang sagot mo?” asked Tatay Arturo. “Yun po ang balak ko Tay. Pag hindi po kasi ito nabago.. Hindi na po ako matatanggap next year,” cried Maya.
Maya cried the whole evening. She cannot accept the sudden turn of events in her life. Never in her whole life had she experienced such failure. She’s now starting to doubt a lot of things – from pursuing law to her capabilities. She even thought that God is being unfair with her but was overruled by her rational side and her faith in Him. She knows that everything she’s going through right now happens for a reason, no matter how ugly they may seem.
She prayed for guidance that night. Prayed for enlightenment and re-assurance of God’s will in her life. Maya slept with a heavy heart and tears in her eyes.
As she planned, Maya did try to contest her answers to the exams she took. She submitted her written argument to the office of the law department, explaining why her answers should be re-considered. But things cannot always go our way. Re-considering answers took an enormous amount of time that she failed the chance to re-enrol for the next school year.
“Bunso, pwede ba tayong mag-usap?” asked Cristina Rose. Maya simply nodded, she already knew this day would eventually come. “Naayos na ba yung nilalaban mo sa professor mo?” she asked. “Hindi pa ate eh. Nirereview pa nila. Ang sabi sa akin ng dean, pwede daw nila akong ilagay sa conditional until may result na. Pero once na lumabas na yung results at bagsak daw talaga ako, they can no longer accept me sa school kahit na enrolled pa ako for this school year,” explained an already teary-eyed Maya. Letting out a sigh, “Ganun ba? So in a way, walang assurance kung ipapasa ka nila o hindi? At posibleng masayang lang din ang gugugulin mong oras pag nag-enrol ka ngayon, kasi kung hindi maging favour sayo ang decision, balewala din itong school year na ito. Ngayon bunso, gusto kong maintindihan mo na hindi kita sinisisi sa mga nangyari. Wala akong sinisisi. Alam ko din naman na ginawa mo ang lahat at nag-aral kang mabuti. Alam natin, na medyo mahirap ng maghanap ng ibang law school na pwede mong pasukan, lalo at late na. Siguro bunso ang mas maganda, huminto ka muna sa pag-aaral. Tapos ka naman ng Public Administration. Mainam sigurong mag-work ka muna, at gamitin mo ang oras na yun para lalo kang makapag-isip kung ano ba talagang gusto mong gawin sa buhay mo,” explained Cristina Rose.
Maya cried but she knows her Ate Cris is right. Enrolling at the current university that she’s in right now bares no assurance that her subjects will be credited once the results of her previous exams are out. Furthermore, she’s already late to take entrance exams from other law schools. Left with no other choice, she opted to look for a job instead.
“What?? Hihinto ka sa pag-aaral?” asked James surprisingly. In a sad tone, “Oo babe eh. Wala akong ibang choice kasi,” she said. “What do you mean walang choice?” James’s further inquired. “Mahirap kasing mag-enrol hangga’t naka pending pa yung results ng nilaban kong exams ko. Kapag hindi na-revoke yung original results, tanggal parin ako sa law school no matter what,” she said. James, feeling sad for Maya, “Ok lang yan babe. Good things are yet to come. I’m sure of that,” he said, smiling encouragingly at Maya. “Thanks babe! That meant a lot to me right now,” Maya said as she hugged him tight.
Maya eventually got hired At Department of Budget & Management, primarily with the help of her Tatay Arturo. She easily adjusted with the workplace and able to meet new friends. She’s been enjoying her stay there that somehow she finds herself asking if that is the will of the Lord for her and if she already had to stop pursuing law.
Maya thought that everything is now going smoothly. She already accepted the idea that law may not be really intended for her, she’s happy with her work, and happy with her relationship with James. But God has His ways of teaching us to obey Him and trust Him completely. All along, He has a different plan for Maya.
James can be very supportive at times, but can also be very demanding, one way or another. But no matter how bad his mood may get, he never lay a finger on Maya nor give her harsh words. So it came to her as a surprise when they had a heated argument at James’ house.
“Babe, why don’t we just get married?” asked James, out of the blue. “Marriage? Pero babe, I am just starting with my work. There are things that I still needed to work out. I wanted to be sure of my future. Kung ito na ba talaga ang future ko,” said Maya. “Bakit? Can’t you do that when we’re married?” asked James, slightly irritated. “Babe, I understand where you’re coming from. But please also understand that I have unfinished business. Yes I am happy with my work right now. Content even. But you can’t blame me if I wonder what if I give law another try. Look for a different law school. This has been my dream. Hindi naman basta-basta mawawala ang isang pangarap di ba?” said Maya, looking expectantly at James.
“Babe, kung ang problema mo lang naman ay ang pang tuition mo, I can help you with that. Pwede naman kitang pag-aralin sa decent law school. Look, kung ayaw ka ng pag-aralin ng Ate Cris mo –“ “Babe,” snapped Maya, “hindi yun ang issue. First I don’t think we’re both ready to enter marriage yet. You have a family that you need to consider. You’re helping them remember? May kapatid ka pang nag-aaral. I think marriage can wait,” said Maya.
“Don’t you want to marry me?” asked James in a serious tone. “Babe, I do. You know how much I love you right? But this isn’t the right time for us –“ “Oh damn it Maya!” growled James, “For God’s sake stop making excuses! Sabihin mo lang kung pagod ka na sa akin! Sabihin mo lang kung ayaw mong ikasal sa akin! Ang dami mong excuses eh!” Maya was shocked by James’ response. She thought she already saw all the bad side of James. This is something that’s totally new for her. “James, first I am not making excuses. Even before we started this relationship, I made everything clear to you. You know my priorities, you know my dreams. You even promised me that you’d support me every way you can para lang ma-achieve ko ang dreams ko. All I’m asking is to give me some time. Time to think of what I should be pursuing. This is for our future as well,” answered Maya.
“Bakit? Sinuportahan naman kita nung nasa law school ka ha? Pumayag na nga ako kahit isingit mo lang ako sa schedule mo. Kahit wala ka ng oras sa akin, nadinig mo ba akong nag-reklamo? Hindi naman di ba? I tried to understand you dahil alam kong pangarap mo yun! And this? This one simple request? Hindi mo manlang ako mapagbigyan!” he said. “What?? James, the fact of the matter is this isn’t just a simple request! This is marriage we’re talking about. This is our future together. And this doesn’t simply concern the both of us and you know that! We both know that your family need you and you know fairly well that I still have unfinished business that needs to be resolved! Ayaw ko naman na magsingit pa ng isang gugulo –“ “Eh di lumabas din ang totoo! Lumabas din na gulo lang talaga ako! Na napipilitan ka lang sa akin! Bullshit Maya!” James said.
Maya could only gasp at everything she’s hearing from James, no matter how hard she tried, she’s not able to talk sense to him anymore. She then simply decided to give him time to think things over and left for home. Before she was able to leave, James’ mom approached her and said, “Maya anak, pagpasensyahan mo nalang si James ha. Alam mo namang may pagka moody lang talaga yung isa nay un. Ipinanganak kasi sa buwan ng Pebrero eh. Pero ganun pa man, mahal na mahal ka naman niya. Ikaw nalang muna ang bahalang umunuwa at magpasensya sa kanya.” “Sige po Ma. Salamat po. Uwi na po ako,” said Maya.
Maya’s relationship with James didn’t get any better, thus, it was going downhill. James has always been prying for reasons why Maya wouldn’t marry him, doubting her feelings for him and even accusing her of infidelity. No amount of assurance from Maya ever swayed James’ doubt to her. She’d even hear curses from him from time to time which she never had experienced before. Despite it all, she still chose to understand him no matter what. Until the final straw is drawn.
Maya visited James in their house. As she checked him on his bedroom, James immediately grabbed her and started kissing her passionately, trailing from her lips down to her neck, which he never had done before. Maya tried to stop James but the latter continued. She tried to plead with him but it seemed like no amount of plea could ever stop him from what he was doing. She gathered all her strength, and with all her might pushed James away and slapped him hard on the face. As if brought back from reverie, James finally realized what he has done but Maya already had enough. She already felt violated and she doesn’t think that she can still trust James. With tears in her eyes, she broke up with James and left.